Jocular nudist-cum-scourge of the Taliban, Prince Harry certainly uses up plenty of energy as he travels the world, exposing or kicking arse.

So what keeps our Hal going? Not much, it seems. Frustrated at being “gawped” at by his brothers-in-arms, Harry heads to the cookhouse last, he revealed this week. Missing out on the specials might help explain his bartering habit: he trades Rice Krispies, Kit Kats and, er, massive Cuban cigars for fresh coffee from US soldiers. If he can’t turn anything else up, there’s only a comforting jar of Clarence House honey.

Not much, is it? Poor old Hazza even had to act as ‘Brew Bitch’, making cups of tea for his comrades, having lost a Camp Bastion board game. Fortunately, the camp has its very own Pizza Hut, which provides more than enough of the kcals required to rain hell-fire on the local insurgents. Gawd bless.