Which? is always good for a laugh. Its latest report lifts the lid on the nefarious practice, apparently common among supermarkets, of naming their fresh ranges things like Happy Comfort Wellness Farm rather than Cage of Doom or Sprawling Fiefdom of Impoverished Serfs.

It cited Marks & Spencer’s salmon from ‘Lochmuir’, a mythical place where fish leap gratefully into the arms of loving mongers, and its Oakham chickens, which - shockingly - are sourced from more than one location. Oak-sham, more like! Eh? Oh.

Inspired by this ace detective work, Bogof can reveal more of grocery’s darkest secrets:

  • The Jolly Green Giant is only 6ft 3in and has quite a temper
  • Coke has hardly any cocaine in it these days
  • Lynx Attract really is made from the sex glands of panthers.