We politicians are busy people. Between orchestrating ruthless crackdowns on price fixing, championing the cause of oppressed multimillionaire suppliers and generally ensuring the retail industry is as well run and regulated as, say, banking, I rarely get the chance to digest the inebriated ramblings of the fourth estate.
So praise be to BA, BAA and probably BAe as well for orchestrating the closure of T5 to coincide with its opening (even the accident-prone big four would have struggled to arrange such a farce), giving me a precious 26-hour break on my vital fact-finding journey to the retail hub that is Monte Carlo.
Yes, readers. This week I read the papers. And boy do those hacks know a good story when they see it. First the mighty Tesco has collapsed. Everyone's been made redundant, its market share has nosedived from 91.4% to 91.3%, and Fresh & Easy, Ubergruppenführer Leahy's ridiculous, imperialist, megalomaniac sortie into the US, is a complete waste of the 0.4% of Tesco's takings the investment represents, while the few chimps left in the Cheshunt blockhouse are drowning in a tsunami of plastic bags.
There's more! Poor Stuart Rose is to be executed by shareholders after the High Priest of Paxman's Gusset appointed himself Executioner! And King Justin is now Saint Justin after he miraculously revived JS, the Lazarus of grocery.
Even the prominent organ you hold in your hand was at it. The Grocer's journalists were up at Dawn, flying to the defence of the industry, and notably CTNs, as La Primadonna threatens to force them to sell fags in brown paper bags from underground speakeasies.
So bugger the fact that smoking slaughters as many people as live in Birkenhead or Cambridge each year, let's save some corner stores! But who am I to point fingers? I'm off to Fortnums for some more Havana Cohibas.
So praise be to BA, BAA and probably BAe as well for orchestrating the closure of T5 to coincide with its opening (even the accident-prone big four would have struggled to arrange such a farce), giving me a precious 26-hour break on my vital fact-finding journey to the retail hub that is Monte Carlo.
Yes, readers. This week I read the papers. And boy do those hacks know a good story when they see it. First the mighty Tesco has collapsed. Everyone's been made redundant, its market share has nosedived from 91.4% to 91.3%, and Fresh & Easy, Ubergruppenführer Leahy's ridiculous, imperialist, megalomaniac sortie into the US, is a complete waste of the 0.4% of Tesco's takings the investment represents, while the few chimps left in the Cheshunt blockhouse are drowning in a tsunami of plastic bags.
There's more! Poor Stuart Rose is to be executed by shareholders after the High Priest of Paxman's Gusset appointed himself Executioner! And King Justin is now Saint Justin after he miraculously revived JS, the Lazarus of grocery.
Even the prominent organ you hold in your hand was at it. The Grocer's journalists were up at Dawn, flying to the defence of the industry, and notably CTNs, as La Primadonna threatens to force them to sell fags in brown paper bags from underground speakeasies.
So bugger the fact that smoking slaughters as many people as live in Birkenhead or Cambridge each year, let's save some corner stores! But who am I to point fingers? I'm off to Fortnums for some more Havana Cohibas.
No comments yet