Did you hear the news? A baby was born yesterday – and the nation has gone into meltdown.

Details of young Master Windsor remain scarce – we know his weight, his time of arrival, that he will be called Prince so-and-so of Cambridge, and that his Wikipedia page is already longer than that of the town of Schoepke, Wisconsin (for example).

But while broadcasters have been straining to fill 24 hours of information vacuum, retailers have been quick off the mark to feed the nation’s feverish appetite for all things Royal Baby (or at least, what they hope is a feverish appetite).

Champagne prices have been cut as supermarkets anticipate consumers will want to raise a glass to Kate, William and new arrival. All manner of inventive stunts have been wheeled out – from limited-edition baby bath to hamper giveaways – while full-page adverts for nappies masquerade as ‘congratulations’ messages to the Royal Family.

Spare a thought for the good staff of the Early Learning Centre, who worked round the clock to ensure 50,000 limited-edition Happyland Royal Baby toys were sitting on shelves for this morning’s shoppers.

Tate & Lyle, meanwhile, wants to help people fashion Royal Baby Cupcakes. Yorkshire liqueur maker Raisthorpe Manor has developed a range of Royal cocktails (Pear for the Heir, anyone?). And Krispy Kreme is pushing blue- and pink-filled doughnuts (no flavour to speak of; they are simply ‘blue’ and ‘pink’).

Indeed, the promotions are coming thick and fast – as a trawl of the #Royalbaby hashtag on Twitter reveals. Ryanair is offering free flights for infants on all trips booked today, under an offer dubbed ‘Ryan-heir’ (and if Ryanair is offering something for free, you know it’s big news). Elsewhere, The 3 Crowns pub on Old Street reopens today with the proclamation: “As the world welcomes the 3rd heir to the throne The 3 Crowns Public House opens its doors – Coincidence?!? We think not!” Yeah - it probably is.

As brands teeter on the far edges of the tenuous, flirting with the downright absurd, it’s hard not to feel we might be missing the point, somehow. But then we always hear about how useful the Royals are for promoting trade and the economy – and if you can’t cash in on a good old-fashioned Royal birth, what can you do?

Let’s just hope the average Brit is as willing to stock up on champers and a commemorative Wills & Kate baking kit as some retailers seem to think they are.

What are the best Royal baby-related tie-ins you have seen? And which stores have gone out of their way to put out the bunting? Let us know on Twitter @TheGrocer or in the comments below.

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