In a scene more surreal than even his most far-fetched movies, Californian Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger was charm itself at Tesco’s UK head office in Welwyn Garden City this week, signing copies of his new book, Total Recall - an unlikely title, given his superhuman drug intake over the years.

But not as unlikely as his speech. “I love being with winners,” he told the assembled throng, “and Tesco is without doubt a huge winner, one of the fastest growing retailers in the world, and it is a huge honour that they will be pumping the books out worldwide.” Has he not read the papers? Or been to one of Tesco’s Fresh & Easy stores in his adopted homeland in California?

With Tesco’s new ad agency facing Judgment Day, will Arnie’s appearance inspire a new strapline: We’ll Be Back? Or even Asda la Vista Baby?

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