As we gather round the kettle (no water cooler comforts here at P&F), opinion is divided on Pepsi’s decision to put Michael Jackson back on its cans. Some think it’s commercial suicide. Others say it’s worse. Miranda suggests the brand might like to change its Live For Now global slogan to Dead For Years, and finally throw in the cola wars towel. Only Karoline (with a K) demurs. “We’re talking about Pepsi,” she says, “and nobody has talked about Pepsi since 1973. It’s working.” Slightly worried that K now seems to be believing the nonsense we use to justify terrible campaigns, we set about nominating other late stars with a colourful past (PR-speak for unconvicted) for leading-edge fmcg brand promotions.

The best we can come up with is the dead one from Milli Vanilli to be the new face of Tesco’s MX men’s toiletries range, as neither are/were the real thing. However, by this time Karoline is worrying about our complete lack of Jubilee tie-ins. None of our clients has had the gumption to jump on the bandwagon. Fortunately this only lasts until she opens a pack of Tyrrells ‘red white and blue’ crisps and discovers that they’re actually light brown, dark brown and purply brown. Anastasia (Nervosa), our junior, who has never knowingly cracked a joke before, blurts out “just like your tan after the holidays” and is fired on the spot.

I suspect the same lack of a sense of humour pervades the top brass at Bright Food. Otherwise Zongnan Wang surely couldn’t have kept a straight face while saying that Weetabix, Alpen and Ready Brek constitute “an excellent portfolio of brands”. That’s a bit like saying P&F includes some of the brightest brains in PR. Best legs maybe, but that’s another story.