In the wake of Paul Walsh’s departure from Diageo we’ve been dropping heavy and none-too-subtle hints about knowing when to leave. Karoline (with a K) remains impervious. “I’m the Alex Ferguson of PR. I’ll go on for ever,” she proclaims, to tittering, muttering and shuffling of feet. Still, it’s occasionally useful to have someone ancient in the office. Karoline has been here so long, she remembers the first Costco opening in the UK. “They were going to take ‘li’l ol’ Engerland’ by storm,” she reminisces. “Fifty stores across the land shopping changed for ever.” How times change. Diageo doesn’t even sound like a particularly silly name any more. Unlike Mondelez, which will always be risible.

Anyway, as it turns out, Costco moves at about the same pace as Terry from the post room. After 20 years, its 24th store has just opened. It should achieve its UK target by 2030. “I’m looking forward to that,” K says ominously. “Perhaps we can do the PR for it.” I think I’ll have opened a florists by then. That’s what most PR girls do when their career paths are blocked by one of the industry’s big beasts.

I’m writing this, sitting in my PJs (steady boys), between bites of toast and marmalade, apparently the only person under 30 still eating the stuff. And that’s only because there was loads left over after our failed ‘Yo Orange!’ campaign to tempt the nation’s urban youth into partaking. Maybe it was a mistake creating an animated DJ called Jimmy Seville to lead the initiative. Anyhoo, I’ve got shreds of all widths, including this jar of Mackays, which has ‘made with 100% natural fruit’ on the label. So much tastier than the unnatural kind.

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