dairy farmer portrait

Allo, moy booties. Now, look ‘ere. All we dairy faarmers be aaskin’ for is that they posh supermarkets like Oiceland an’ Aasda obey the lorrs o’supply an’ demand, which be that since we be supplyin’ the milk we can demand what we like for it. Got thaat?

Oi ain’t never been abroad before but just laast week oi was in Scotland, shooin’ moy saggy-uddered Daisy aroun’ Morrisons in Dumfries - an’ to make a point I’d brought one o’moy prize-winnin’ Friesians with me as well.

Anyways, turns out when you give them Scotsmen stuff for free they very quickly come roun’ to your point o’view, which in moy case is that them folk as don’t give you what you want are complete baastards.

Don’t they bosses understaand the cost o’production? Only last week oi got another beggin’ letter from the ‘edmistress at Roedean, sayin’ my beloved little Taamsin would be jus’ perrfick for the lead role in tharr ballet production of Battleship Potemkin, if only they could raise another graand or two to strengthen the stage.

As well as ‘avin comedy rural accents, we faarmers are the gaardians o’the countrysoide, an’ therefore we ‘as a democratick right to shut down they shops what be sellin’ our products an’ to make customers understaand the true value of milk by givin’ it away.

They tharr clever supermarket buggers claim that moy Friesians are overproducin’ an’ that they be losin’ money on sellin’ milk. Well maybe oi don’t know much about economics but moy Daisy is just as entitled to an infinity pool as anyone else, and if oi ’as to double production to correct them market imbalances then so be it. That’ll learn ’em!

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