I caught a pretend train from a pretend station in the City and headed out to somewhere near the Essex mudflats for this year's IFE (which stands for It's F-ing Exhausting, in case you wondered).

Busy busy busy, though once you have fought your way through the massed ranks of design agencies, digital agencies and experiential agencies (sampling to you and me), it becomes clear that everyone else there (apart from the exhibitors cowering nervously) is a hatchet-faced PR girl on the scent of clients.

Frankly they don't stand a chance because I am wearing my legendary new business top. It's shoulders back and into battle.

Several hours later I am crippled with indigestion and sore feet (killer heels) but happy. Fourteen new biz leads which, on the law of averages, probably means one new account in about six months' time. I am confident that we'll be pitching for the Co-op business sooner than that, however.

Now that marketing supremo Debs Robinson has left, they may finally pluck up the courage to drop their loathsome 'Good with Food' advertising. If I hear that supercilious Scotsman burbling "gud with fude" once more I shall boycott the po-faced socialist retailer and its stores for evermore.

Last time I rubbed shoulders with the reds, I bought a jumbo pack of Walker's Sensations (reduced to £1). Crisps to you and me, but with flavouring applied by trowel. On the front of the pack it said "Made with real ingredients". As opposed to? Actually, I think a few imitation ingredients would have helped enormously.

Back to the office and Terry from the post room brandishes the Daily Mail proclaiming that eating fish can help you see in old age. "No need to worry then," he says creepily, hand in pocket, and I realise I'm still wearing that top.

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