Nobody would consciously choose Galaxy when they can have dairy milk, would they? I mean, I know it is venturing into the ‘value treating’ (ie smaller and cheaper) sector with a new 23g (23 whole grammes, count ’em!) bar, but I’m assuming that’s because Mars has run out of other ideas on what to do next. Galaxy, like Pepsi, is an ‘oh alright then’ brand. As in: “sorry, we’ve only got Pepsi.” “Oh alright then.”

This is no bad thing, because it’s the second-tier brands (and the third, fourth, fifth and no-tier ones) that keep PR going. Millions get spent (or in the case of P&F’s clients, hundreds) propping up contenders for fmcg’s aisle of the doomed.

Now that I’ve been promoted (account director, did I mention it?) I’m obliged to have opinions according to Karoline (with a K) because it’s both “what clients expect” and “quite surprising coming from you,” which I think is a compliment. On this occasion though, she suggests, somewhat curtly, that I keep the above to myself.

Something less controversial, then. Walkers are cretins. I thought we’d scored a minor victory for literacy when it took “Made with real ingredients” off Sensations packs. But now the idiot line is back, this time on its new Market Deli (clumsy name, clumsy concept) range. Presumably this is an attempt to distinguish the brand from all other Walkers products, which must be made with fake or perhaps fictitious ingredients. This opinion gets a stern look from Karoline too. “Marketing bollocks makes the world go round, dear,” she barks, reaching for a potato chip that has been made, unsurprisingly, from potatoes. I’m tempted to a swig of newly launched rhubarb gin, but I’m not sure if the rhubarb is real.

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