Inspired by the Mike Tyson endorsed Black Energy drink stocked by Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury’s, we’re approached by a new start-up, Rapist Brands, to launch Yorkshire Ripper Puddings. These, they forecast, will be popular with some people, which apparently makes it alright. Savile’s Truffles are also slated for a spring debut. I’m about to tender my resignation when, thank God, I wake up and realise the whole thing was a weird dream. Of course, no British supermarket would be either stupid or offensive enough to stock a brand endorsed by Tyson, even if they had taken his image off the pack.

When I mention this at the office there’s a bit of coughing and shuffling of feet before Karoline (with a K) admits that we’ve just signed an affiliation deal with 365 PR of Warsaw who handle the Tyson brand there (hang on, it’s real?) and want us to help roll it out here as part of Taste of Poland Week. It would, I’m repeatedly told, be ‘edgy’, which in 2013 marketing-land justifies more or less anything. Fortunately for my career and the collective sanity of P&F, Horsegate intervenes before this nonsense can progress, and Polish titbits lose their promotional lustre.

Frosties are also on the way down, and in the process are fulfilling one of my new year’s forecasts of four short weeks ago (the decline/reformulation threat/salvation gambit). Except in this instance there’s no sign of the groundswell of consumer support needed to do the salvation bit. At least Asda shoppers can complain online about this stuff while they’re still in store if they want to, thanks to its Wi-Fi initiative. They can also join numerous anti-Asda boycotts and protest in two worlds at once. Twittertastic.