Torremolinos is where Asda shoppers go on holiday, I'm told. Luckily for me, however, my DRIP remit is limited to making sure they don't get ripped off for Balti Blasters and Angel Delight - I don't actually have to talk to them. Thus it was that I and the lush Veronica Pumsey joined a remarkable gaggle of retail luminaries on the apron at Biggin Hill, waiting to board Philip Green's Gulfstream on its way to the Aegean. Unlike El Gordo, whose Presbyterian roots mean he is only too happy to 'break off his holiday,' the Pumster will have his holiday come hell or high water. Come to think of it, Britain has had a bit of both this summer. In fact, it's remarkable that the entire retail glitterati seemed to have found the time to be there. First came Andy Bond in his Lincoln Town Car - converted to run on methane (home-grown). Then it was Stuart Rose and his chauffeur, in separate Bentleys. That Belgian bloke from Morrisons, on a Raleigh Shopper, was peddling 'fresh pies', but most surprising was the appearance of Wack Leahy, with the hub caps on his Toyota Pious notably absent. There followed an undignified scramble for the best seats. Tesco's Richard Brasher insisted he wanted to drive, while Rose was forced to check his ego into the hold. But most amusingly of all, PG insisted that Andrew Simms should sit next to Leahy "to resolve their differences," as he put it. Parenthetically, I'm surprised no-one has set up a rival to Simms' vapid New Economics Foundation. After all, why should he have the Tesco-bashing market to himself? Bring on Tescopolyopoly, I say. Once on board PG's modest £120m scull, we were ushered into the Arcadia lounge, where there was a little entertainment in store. At the sharp end, a diminutive figure, stroking a white cat, sat raised on a platform. So that was why King Justin wasn't on the plane. (To be continued...)

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