All articles by Titania Touché – Page 9
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Bolly, Bristol Cream and a whole lot of vomit
Picture the scene. I'm looking my best in a client-satisfying LBD (Alexander McQueen) paid for (£1,430) by Karoline (with a K) "because we really need to keep this account darling".
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Spots, stripes and pocket battleships
After missing out on the PR contract of a lifetime (promoting chocolate Rich Tea biscuits) I finally shook off my sour Royal Wedding mood and got into the spirit of the thing (mostly gin) at an 'exclusive' (which is PR-speak for lightly attended)...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Spearmint Rhinos and sticky white goo
In an unexpected attack of prudery, our glorious leader Karoline (with a K) has complained to the ASA about the current Creme Egg ads on TV. They feature the eggs working themselves up into a frenzy and then suddenly splurging sticky white goo all...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Atomic sushi and lard-caked rears
Nuclear Sushi was the original name of the pop group who I think became Atomic Nigiri, but that aside, according to The Sun (the first read of the day for any in-touch PR), sushi is now being scanned for post-Fukushima radiation.
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Fortnums and Mars bars
It has been, of course, the best PR that Fortnum's has had in years. Possibly the only PR, given its image as one of the least interesting shops in the world.
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Bad skin and dead man's sausage
As you know, advertising is a rather different discipline to PR. While we are mostly meek and mild, service-oriented types, our UK advertising brothers (and occasionally sisters) tend to be loud-mouthed egomaniacs convinced to the point of lunacy...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Killer heels and make-believe
I caught a pretend train from a pretend station in the City and headed out to somewhere near the Essex mudflats for this year's IFE (which stands for It's F-ing Exhausting, in case you wondered).
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Scare tactics and cereal boxes
Our plans to drum up a bit of business from food paranoia have at last come to fruition. We've been part of secret PR consortium SCARE (Stoking Concern About Rare Events) for ages, responsible for funding some research by serious Swiss white coats...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Let's hear it for Exploitation Week
Like virtually every other PR agency, we've been caught on the hop this week by two developments: the advent of TV product placement and the Advertising Standards Authority's new jurisdiction over websites. So don't be alarmed if you see some...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: The case of the disappearing Pepsi
So Pepsi disappeared from Sainsbury's shelves during Britvic's 'trade dispute' (aka hissy fit). Did anyone notice? I mean, would anyone buy Pepsi on purpose if they could get Coke?
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Jaegerbombs on Valentine's
I don't care that it was a Waitrose 'romantic meal for two' and thus prole-posh. "It was only fifteen quid" are not words any girl wants to hear on Valentine's Day. And, dear banker Sebastian whom I shall never see again, you know exactly what you...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Fudge flapjacks and former lovers
I now read all the national newspapers every day (except The Daily Star obviously, which doesn't count). Not properly read, like you do on a Sunday with a coffee and an illicit Fudge's choccy flapjack. No, skim-read on tenterhooks with that mixture...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Buck's Fizz and killer fish
Grocer reports on the soaring price of orange juice only go to convince me that Buck's Fizz is a waste of bucks. There's a clear solution to this pressing issue. Let them drink Bolly!
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Norman Wisdom and blurry Balkans
It is deeply fashionable, at least in PR, to stage your office Christmas party in January, not only harnessing that sense of post-festive irony but also, as Karoline (with a K) says, "because it's cheaper, darling".
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Ambulance-chasing and citrus slop
As fully signed-up members of the ambulance-chasing wing of PR, we're about to pump new promotional life into the corpse of a great British tradition. All hail The Marmalade Initiative, the first and almost certainly last generic campaign to...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Dioxin quiche and bondage buyers
Karoline (with a K) loves a great big crisis. It means she can double our hourly charge-out rates, swan around like a proper 'consultant' and get the rest of us to do the actual work. So she's bitterly disappointed that none of our clients were...
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Sprouts up the festive tuba
My most enduring memory of schooldays is our housemistress Miss Leech bellowing (in a voice not dissimilar to Craig Revel Horwood): "Titaaaarnia, put your knickers back on", and waking up the entire dorm as I crept in after dark.
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Prince Andrew plays swapsies
Very disappointed not to make it into leaked diplomatic dispatches following my work on the 'Leading British Food Out Of The Recession' export roadshow with Prince Andrew.
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Comment & OpinionTales of Titania: Witchcraft, water and women scorned
Imagine a lady forthright, imposing, statuesque, made up to the nines, booming voice and brooking no argument and you have the identikit PR diva traditionally at the helm of the UK’s PR agencies.