Pennycook one use

This has been a momentous week for global democracy, and I’m not referring to the elimination of Kim Jong-Un’s defence minister with an anti-aircraft gun! No, we’re talking about a different kind of reforming zeal - in convenience retail.

Restoring The Co-op to its rightful place at the heart of our communities will take at least three years. There will be no quick fixes. But inspired by St Margaret’s hairspray sermon (“Where there is Discord, let there be Harmony”), what was recently an unruly hotbed of pluralism and insubordination, is being quietly and humbly reformed (by yours truly) - and returned to its socialist roots.

Yes, brother. And sister, of course. At our agm on Saturday, The Co-op board, our members standing proud, saw the renewal of its historical allegiance and seven-figure donations to The Co-operative (Labour) Party. We also witnessed the shock election to the board of all three of the three-member shortlist thoughtfully provided by the board for the convenience of our loyal membership. We see it as a kind of Divi.

Also, after no more than 40,000 members unaccountably misunderstood the ballot paper, my £2.5m package was unanimously approved. Who said this group was “ungovernable”?! It all depends on how you go about it, Euan!

Allan remains, well, uncooperative over the Labour thing, but that’s phase two of the rebuild. The party has sent round a new blonde flak, Titty something, to buff up his apples. When she’s done that she can deal with the BBC scribbler who regularly refers to me as “Pennycock”. Besides, any form of government is better if one party is in sole control. Just look at North Korea. Or Scotland.