morrisons burger

It’s the most important day of the year. No, not the Grocer Golds, that was yesterday. Obviously I’m talking about Father’s Day on Sunday, when dads are celebrated for the heroes they are. Morrisons knows this, because it has done the decent thing and released a special burger to commemorate the occasion.

At a full 1lb in weight, or 454g for Remainers, it’s too small, obviously. Yet some will argue it’s too big. The health police will no doubt be wringing their hands, but, as ever, they are to be ignored. And if you have some to hand, taunt them with crispy bacon and extra cheese and spray them with ketchup.

How much is 1lb anyway? It’s only 16oz, that’s the size of an average lunchtime T-bone, or a pack of Porky Whites. So in the history of mega-eating, this burger can be filed under ‘good effort’ but it’s not going to give any self-respecting dad the meat sweats. Everyone’s hero in this field should be the wonderful John Candy, who, in the 1988 family holiday romp The Great Outdoors, eats a 96oz steak. Including the fat. By the end he was sweating like a pig.

Seriously, though, the arrival of what Morrisons has dubbed the ‘Daddy of all Burgers’ raises an equally big question. Will Morrisons produce an extra-large brioche bun that can handle it? Sadly it’s bad news. Morrisons has confirmed a ‘giant fresh bread bun’ will be baked and sold for 50p (the burger costs £3), but it’s a regular affair. A sprinkle of sesame seeds provides scant consolation.

Pick yourself up with the news that a war of sorts is developing, and this one won’t kill anyone. Aldi has launched a ‘Big Daddy’ rump steak. It’s also 1lb, selling at £4.99, and arguably a steak (even a lowly rump steak) is more of a treat than a burger. Yet sometimes only a burger will do. It’s a dilemma that can only be solved by asking ‘What would Candy do?’ And I think we all know Candy would eat both.

Perhaps the single most disturbing element of all this beef chicanery is that, according to Aldi, a quarter of the UK male population is completely insane. A full 26% openly admit they want their steaks cooked well done. These men are not heroes and should be forced to eat salad instead.

aldi steak

Aldi thick cut rump steak

No, wait. The accompanying picture served up with the Aldi press release shows the steak served with a baked potato, tomatoes and coleslaw instead of French fries, onion rings and au poivre sauce. Is that worse than no brioche bun and a lack of crispy bacon on the Morrisons burger? If only John Candy hadn’t died of a heart attack aged 43 he’d be able to tell us.

Anyway, lots of applause should go to Aldi and Morrisons, despite their errors, for capitalising on an underdeveloped seasonal event. And we should hope that next year their rivals get equally creative and join in the fun.

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