Some bits of PR and marketing jargon are meaningless, ‘ROI’ and ‘client focused agency’, for example. Others are redolent with power. Sharkonomics tells you everything you need to know about the way most agencies view their clients’ budgets. My new fave is ‘participatory marketing’, which seems to translate as getting ordinary people to do the work for you while you go for lunch. Presumably getting sensible people to come up with your ideas avoids things like Cadbury’s £50m Spots v Stripes… erm… adventure. It’s supposed to have reached “critical mass” by now and become “part of popular culture”. In reality it seems to have limped off into the sunset like a disqualified olympic sprinter.

“God. Even we could have done better than that with £50m,” barks our formidable leader Karoline (with a K). As most of our clients are reluctant to spend more than about 50p the chance seems unlikely. But we hear mutterings of “hamsters v gerbils… hedgehogs v motorways, er… missionaries v cannibals!” coming from her office all afternoon. Meanwhile, P&F comment suggests that as it’s festival season she’s come to work wearing some sort of chiffon glamping tent. Whatever it is, it can’t hide the fact, as revealed in The Daily Mail, that we’re each an average of three stones heavier than in the 1960s. As none of the rest of us here was born in the ’60s she’s clearly making up the total on her own.

News that Aldi is having trouble with its three-tier ranging plan prompts Miranda to helpfully suggest they call them Everyday Embarrassment, Cheap Not Cheerful, and Caught You Slumming (for the ‘premium’ stuff). That’s non-participatory marketing for you.

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